I woke up yesterday and felt distraught. I felt like I couldn't move, like the world could end at any moment. I couldn't muster the strength to move my arms, let alone get up and get ready for the day. I don't want to get dressed, I don't want to brush my hair, make-up is the last thing on my mind - I don't even want to make a coffee, something that I have so much passion for. I felt like crying. All I wanted to do was stay in bed, sleep and just not be anywhere or with anyone.
This has been the same all week.
I find myself looking back at my life just a year ago, and how much I have progressed as a person. Yet, I still find that I'm stuck in my old ways, continuously doubting myself and my worth. I guess that's the worst thing with mental health; you're never really 'cured' or 'fixed'. Medicine can only fix so much, and in some cases makes it worse. You can take time for yourself, but that can make you feel depersonalised and not at all like yourself. Just last year, I was going through one of the darkest times of my life. I hate to use the words 'anxious' and 'depressed'. They get thrown around in everyday conversation that it seems like its not an issue anymore. But I felt so anxious I couldn't leave the house, couldn't sleep, over thought every single situation and was so scared that something bad was going to happen to family members. I was also depressed. I would spend hours laying on the sofa, doing nothing. I would eat so much I wouldn't be able to move. I hated the weight I was gaining at such a rate that stretch marks on my stomach were red and raw. I didn't want to be alone, but I couldn't stand the thought of being around people. I hated myself and didn't want to be here.
In a flashback to those darker times I appreciate how far I have come as a person. The triumphs that to some people are so small, but to me, it means the world. I was able to find a job that I could thrive at. I began driving lessons and have actually stuck to them, instead of bailing like I have every other time. I have enjoyed making YouTube videos, and am now throwing passion into this blog. I am so proud of myself.
Yet I find myself struggling recently. I can see myself deteriorating back to a time I found so dark, and at the same time I can't find a way of escaping. I do have the benefit of rational thought now, which is something I lacked last year. I can now analyse the situation and rationalise it to the point it is no longer causing anxiety.
I might write more about my journey with anxiety and depression, if I feel like its making a difference to someone else's life. I wish there were people who expressed their emotions when I was younger to make me realise that I wasn't alone.
The point of this post was to share my personal achievements with anxiety and depression, in the hope that it can help at least one reader. So, here goes...
1. Express your feelings.
Let your emotional run wild. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to scream, then scream. If you need to spend the day in bed, then do so. Express your feelings however you see fit. For me, I use my YouTube and blog to share my favourite parts of life and to make me remember how lucky I am. However, you need to rationalise these feelings and talk yourself through them. Why are you feeling this way? What has led you to feel like this? Is it a regular occurrence? Can it be changed? If any situation can be modified to make you feel better, its worth at least trying.
2.Take time for yourself.
My favourite thing to do is to run a boiling hot bath, get my favourite face mask on, find my favourite music and blast them loudly whilst I relax in the tub. I use my favourite hair products, favourite bath bomb and spend as much time as I need there. I am also a bit of a 'fan' of Netflix and chill, and by that I mean getting my duvet and laying on the sofa all day watching repeats of Gilmore Girls. Anything you need to do to spend time with yourself.
3. Eliminate negativity.
What is causing your sadness? Is it your job? Leave it. Find something new. Is it your partner? Your feelings come first, and you need to get rid of any negativity that you associate with your anxiety. Surprisingly enough, my diet can cause huge strain on my anxiety. Whenever I have too much sugar and fatty foods, I find my mood plummets. Try a balanced diet (as boring as it sounds), everything is fine in moderation!
4. Exercise.
Yep, I said it! I've been at the other end and said 'exercise doesn't work! It's not for me!", but after spending the majority of the year at the gym (by that I mean roughly 1 day a week!!) I actually found that my mood was naturally lifted. At the beginning of the year I was spending 3-4 days a week in the gym and loving it! I fell back a bit and even now I can't gather the strength to go, but I know that passion will come back - and when it does, I'll be so ready for it.
5.Enjoy life.
It sounds simple, but just enjoy your life. Don't spend so much time worrying about what others thing of you and how you're different. Spend time with your family, loved ones, friends. Go to parties, go get a coffee, take day trips to places. Anything to bring enjoyment to your life. My favourite things are to spend time with my brother, either going to town or just browsing. We don't get to spend much time together, so I cherish any time we do have.
This has been the same all week.
I find myself looking back at my life just a year ago, and how much I have progressed as a person. Yet, I still find that I'm stuck in my old ways, continuously doubting myself and my worth. I guess that's the worst thing with mental health; you're never really 'cured' or 'fixed'. Medicine can only fix so much, and in some cases makes it worse. You can take time for yourself, but that can make you feel depersonalised and not at all like yourself. Just last year, I was going through one of the darkest times of my life. I hate to use the words 'anxious' and 'depressed'. They get thrown around in everyday conversation that it seems like its not an issue anymore. But I felt so anxious I couldn't leave the house, couldn't sleep, over thought every single situation and was so scared that something bad was going to happen to family members. I was also depressed. I would spend hours laying on the sofa, doing nothing. I would eat so much I wouldn't be able to move. I hated the weight I was gaining at such a rate that stretch marks on my stomach were red and raw. I didn't want to be alone, but I couldn't stand the thought of being around people. I hated myself and didn't want to be here.
In a flashback to those darker times I appreciate how far I have come as a person. The triumphs that to some people are so small, but to me, it means the world. I was able to find a job that I could thrive at. I began driving lessons and have actually stuck to them, instead of bailing like I have every other time. I have enjoyed making YouTube videos, and am now throwing passion into this blog. I am so proud of myself.
Yet I find myself struggling recently. I can see myself deteriorating back to a time I found so dark, and at the same time I can't find a way of escaping. I do have the benefit of rational thought now, which is something I lacked last year. I can now analyse the situation and rationalise it to the point it is no longer causing anxiety.
I might write more about my journey with anxiety and depression, if I feel like its making a difference to someone else's life. I wish there were people who expressed their emotions when I was younger to make me realise that I wasn't alone.
The point of this post was to share my personal achievements with anxiety and depression, in the hope that it can help at least one reader. So, here goes...
1. Express your feelings.
Let your emotional run wild. If you want to cry, then cry. If you want to scream, then scream. If you need to spend the day in bed, then do so. Express your feelings however you see fit. For me, I use my YouTube and blog to share my favourite parts of life and to make me remember how lucky I am. However, you need to rationalise these feelings and talk yourself through them. Why are you feeling this way? What has led you to feel like this? Is it a regular occurrence? Can it be changed? If any situation can be modified to make you feel better, its worth at least trying.
2.Take time for yourself.
My favourite thing to do is to run a boiling hot bath, get my favourite face mask on, find my favourite music and blast them loudly whilst I relax in the tub. I use my favourite hair products, favourite bath bomb and spend as much time as I need there. I am also a bit of a 'fan' of Netflix and chill, and by that I mean getting my duvet and laying on the sofa all day watching repeats of Gilmore Girls. Anything you need to do to spend time with yourself.
3. Eliminate negativity.
What is causing your sadness? Is it your job? Leave it. Find something new. Is it your partner? Your feelings come first, and you need to get rid of any negativity that you associate with your anxiety. Surprisingly enough, my diet can cause huge strain on my anxiety. Whenever I have too much sugar and fatty foods, I find my mood plummets. Try a balanced diet (as boring as it sounds), everything is fine in moderation!
4. Exercise.
Yep, I said it! I've been at the other end and said 'exercise doesn't work! It's not for me!", but after spending the majority of the year at the gym (by that I mean roughly 1 day a week!!) I actually found that my mood was naturally lifted. At the beginning of the year I was spending 3-4 days a week in the gym and loving it! I fell back a bit and even now I can't gather the strength to go, but I know that passion will come back - and when it does, I'll be so ready for it.
5.Enjoy life.
It sounds simple, but just enjoy your life. Don't spend so much time worrying about what others thing of you and how you're different. Spend time with your family, loved ones, friends. Go to parties, go get a coffee, take day trips to places. Anything to bring enjoyment to your life. My favourite things are to spend time with my brother, either going to town or just browsing. We don't get to spend much time together, so I cherish any time we do have.
