I failed at Blogmas. And I'm so disappointed in myself for not completing it. I look all over Twitter and other media platforms, and see everyone had completed it. No one struggled. Did I do something wrong? Maybe I'm not cut out to do this whole blogging thing.
I over analysed too much, and got myself too worked up on the whole situation. But when I actually sat down with myself and rationalised all the negative thoughts in my head, I realised I really didn't have anything to be upset about.
The fact of the matter is, I suffer with mental health. At any point in my day, week or lifetime I will suffer with some kind of negative thought, a spout of depression and even a panic attack. The build up to Christmas was quite a relaxing time for me, but I feel that as we got closer and closer to Christmas, I was trying to push out any pressure or stress that I was feeling. I didn't want any negative thoughts to ruin my Christmas spirit. In return, what really happened was that all stress and anxiety built up until I couldn't deal with it anymore.
The last week before Christmas, began a downward spiral for my mental health. I began having negative thoughts, withdrawing myself from everything, not wanting to do anything. I just wanted to be off for Christmas, without a care in the world. That day did eventually come, but on day one of my holidays I had a monstrous panic attack, in public. That really knocked me down. It was in a nail bar, and I was surrounded by at least fifteen people.
I started to pick back up by Boxing Day. I should've put my feelings aside on Christmas Day, but that's the problem with mental health - you can't! I just tried to keep as positive as I could, to get through the day.
The point of this was to make anyone else who suffered over the holidays, feel less alone. Your not 'weird' if you struggled over Christmas. You shouldn't be ashamed of anything. You are you, and because of that you are amazing. I keep preaching that to myself on bad days.
I'm ready for an amazing 2018 and all it has to offer! What was your favourite part of 2017? What are you looking forward to next year?
